What's the phrase?

I downloaded this game two days ago, and sadly I'm addicted to it. I now realize why I never downloaded games, because they are addicting. I've never played words with friends or any of the others but I decided to check this one out when my sister suggested it. And now I am addicted. Wtf 

Fuck it

I hate that you're the one playing the victim here. Like you haven't done ANYTHING to hurt me, emotionally or otherwise. You act like you've never lied, or that me lying is so much worse than you doing so. I forgive you for literally everything* and I don't question anything, I just move on. Maybe I should have. Maybe I should have asked people shit like you do with me. Maybe I should have talked to Lindsey about seeing her in march. I mean you don't believe me, but you believe everyone else so why shouldn't I be the same. If anyone is feeling like noone cares its me. I'm always feeling like you hate being with me, I never make you happy enough, and you've already admitted that you're stuck, all because I'm pregnant. Lol sorry for being such a burden for you.

My baby is the size of an oninion

Lol it's weird. I want my cute belly. Right now I just kinda look a little chubby. Plus I read that loud noises will startle my baby and I kinda wanna make a loud noise just so I can see how it reacts lol like how it feels. I like that I can kinda start feeling it, it doesn't really feel like anything yet but the feeling is kinda cool, like butterflies. I can't wait until July 2nd. Then ill know what my little munchkin is. Will it be lily or Noah. I can't wait to find out 💝💙👶

It doesn't even matter

It doesn't matter what I say or what I do. It's not "honest" enough for you. I could be hooked up to a lie detector and you would still think I'm lying. I GET IT I HAVE LIED TO YOU BEFORE. But you're not exactly a saint. We need to move on from this. 

I will never be good enough

Nothing I do will be good enough to make you happy. You told me if I told the truth we'd have no more problems, a stepping stone, and shit would get better. Was it hard to tell the truth,yeah it was. You always deserve the truth and I just suck at being what you deserve. I wish I could climb inside your head and know exactly what's going on, because you say one thing and then the next second you're saying another. I can't keep up.

Worst fiancée award goes to muah!

I'm honestly the worst fiancée in the world. I don't understand how someone can love me after all of this. He'd be so much better off without me. I need him thou. I'm selfish. I want him all mine, even thou I've been a piece of shit. He thinks it's easy for me, but it isn't. I just wanna disappear.

Fake bitches

Today I realized I have NO friends and its kindof sad. My "bestfriend" is being a bitch to me and wants to cause drama all because I won't blow off someone to hangout with her. But lets just keep in mind that she NEVER wants to hangout with me, and now that her ex has a new gf she wants to hangout with me. She's being a bitch because I don't wanna hangout because I wanna spend time with someone else. It isn't my fault, go have fun in PA visiting with your mom, and stop trying to be mean to me, it's annoying

Now you see me

This movie is seriously the best one ive seen in a long time. And not just because  Dave Franco is in it ;b. normally I can figure out plot twists because usually they're pretty predictable. But in this movie I was genuinely surprised with it, which is a good thing. If I was a movie critic I'd say 5 gold stars or 2 thumbs up or whatever:) GO SEE IT

I find it funny

That you will believe everyone else but me. Random people you don't know. Girls who don't like me. Anyone. Except me. Yeah that makes sense right? Cause everyone else was there when this supposedly happened right lololol ok

Thinking

I can't do this. 

I can't be without you.

I can't even watch tv.

It just plays in the background.

I stare at the ceiling.

Play sad music and look at sad stuff on tumblr. My life has stopped without you.

I need you. Do you need me as much? 

Forgive me. I want to open up. I have a wall and I don't know how to tear it down.

Let depression set in

Today I have felt like I'm living in a dream, everything is foggy. I can feel you forgetting me and it hurts. I'm so numb. I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to crawl in a ball and disappear. I've only got out of bed twice today. I just want to lay here forever. I want you to understand but you don't want to listen, you should atleast let me explain before you just push me away and if you still feel that way after, then fine, leave. :/

What have I learned?

That I just don't wanna be here anymore. 

That I just want to disappear. 

I'm tired of not being good enough 

Or pretty enough 

Tan enough 

Too skinny, not skinny enough

No curves

I just want to be perfect.

I give up

Too bad people don't care about you after you talk to them.

Hmmph

Do you know what it's like to be the only one showing emotion? You're crying while the other person looks perfectly fine. It makes you want to just throw something at them. They say in relationships one person always loves the other more. For once I wanna know what it feels like to be loved more, I'm always the one with the most feelings. I'm the  one begging them or crying. Always me. It would be nice to have someone fight for me, make me feel like they want this more than I do. That's never the case. I hate the fact that I care too much. I wish I could just be like a guy, not care at all, or atleast care alot less. I'm tired of crying, I just want to be everything that someone wants. I want to make them happy all the  time. Make them feel how they make me feel. Maybe I'm not meant to be happy. Maybe I'm just the forever alone type of person. I've made mistakes, I've lied when I should have been honest, I guess that's what fucked me over in the end, if I  was just honest then maybe he would believe me now, maybe I wouldn't be so sad and so broken. I guess I'll never know :/

Why aren't I asleep right now

I can't sleep with you next to me. I can't look at you. All your mean words keep floating through my head. It's literally the worst feeling ever. I've never felt so worthless so numb. How can you say what you said to someone who you claim was the love of your life? I'm so confused I just want to curl up into a ball and disappear I wish I didn't exist. That you hadn't come and turned my life upside down. But I like it, so much I like it. The way my life is with you. How easy it is to laugh and smile and be happy. But it's a lie a joke for you. You felt bad for me. For the ugly girl. The slut. If only you had known, you wouldn't have ever talked to me. I'm sorry. For fucking up your life just like I fuck up everything else.

I don't understand

I really don't get how one second every is perfect and the next you want me gone and you're calling me a slut. What did I do to you? ABSOLUTLY NOTHING. All I do is give you my everything. I love you. All I do is try to make you happy, but I'm never enough for you. I'm sorry I'm not the perfect innocent girl you thought but you're not exactly a saint either. I mean how can you be so cruel to someone you " love" and is carrying your child. You're acting like you don't have a heart, which I know is a lie because you're the sweetest guy I know 80% of the time. But then out of nowhere you get like this. You love to say mean shit when you're mad, you enjoy making me hate myself 

How to make someone feel like shit...

How about shoving every mistake they've ever made in their face. 

Or maybe being engaged to them and then telling them you don't wanna be married to a slut? 

Just being a complete asshole to the person you're having a kid with because you think you can. 

Telling them you're bored with fucking them, and nothing about them is sexy.

Telling them you and your friend think they're a 6.5 on a scale. 

Telling them that you're going to fuck a girl tonight and not to wait up for you when they just moved in.

Trust me I already feel like shit enough without you trying to make me feel this way so go ahead keep it all coming, nothing phases me anymore I'm used to it :/

Cheerleading

From the time I could walk I'd been inlove with cheer leading, I started out being a mascot for my local pop Warner team, and I cheered every year up until my junior year of high school. I didn't want to stop but my niece was born on the day of tryouts :( I wasn't like a super amazing skilled cheerleader but my heart was always 100% in it. I worked my ass off and I wanted it more than anything. Competition days and football games were my favorite. To get out there and show everyone what were capable of, it really gives you a thrill. 

  Nothing pisses me off more than people saying that cheerleading isn't a sport? Lol I would love* to see half the people saying that get out there and do what cheerleaders do. Can you toss a 100 lb girl up in the air while she twists and then catch her! Can you flip and twist and bend yourself in all the ways that cheerleaders do? Can you get dropped or fall hard and then get right back up and do it again. Cheerleaders don't give up. We ice it up put a brace on and get right back to practice. I've been tossed into the air and landed on my face, back, ass and knees. I've had shin splints, dislocated my knee several times and had flyers fall on my face so hard that I thought I broke my nose and jaw. But I always got right back up and hit that stunt. It's called dedication. It's the love of the sport, and I was sad when I didn't get to cheer my senior year of high school. Cheer will always have a place in my heart and I hope that if I have a daughter cheer is something she will want to pursue, if not I guess I'll just have to stick with watching competitive cheer videos on YouTube.

Why I'm so excited...

Like every other normal teenage girl I am addicted to watching pretty little liars. I didn't catch on to the fad until late in the 2nd season but I caught up. Seriously thou what about this show is so fucking amazing?! Why can't I stop watching? Just like all the other pll fans I'm dying to know who A really is. We all thought it was Mona, then we thought Toby but now in the new season were on the hunt to figure out who red coat is and ultimately who A really is. June 11th 8pm ABC family. I'm stoked. Don't miss it.

$/@)>{^+|>#*

How do you explain to someone that they're literally everything to you? That they're the reason you wake up everyday happy and goto bed smiling. How do you let them know how much they mean to you when "I love you" isn't enough?  Is it possible to explain these kinds of feelings without sounding like a Nicholas sparks novel? How can you say these things without sounding cheesy or like your just using lines. How can we make someone see that you're trying in the most non-cheesy dead serious way to say that this person is the one you're supposed to be with until you die, until forever. How can you let someone know that you need them, that you can't live without them. Why are feelings so fucking difficult?! Why are they so complicated and difficult to explain, can I just take this person and let them see themselves how I do, how I see them as perfect despite his flaws, how nothing could make me love him less. Fuckkkk.

Waste of my morning.

So I really hate waking up before 10am, like I'm done with school and I don't usually have a reason to get up before 10. So guess how unhappy I was to wake up at 7 for jury duty. It's funny to me that I got called for jury duty and I just turned 18 in November, but my mom has never been called, come on America cut a girl some slack. So I get there at like 9 and I'm like oh please kill me now, everyone  in the room was 30 years old and up, making me feel awkward. Plus whenever I go in a courthouse I feel weird with the little X-ray scan thing you walk thru, like can you see my insides? Did you see my  baby in there? But yeah so they're talking to us telling us they need three jury's blah blah blah and we could be there all day, and I'm like what all day!? I'm hungry and I wanna take a nap :( not to mention I pee every 30 minutes thanks to the baby on my bladder, so yeah I'm getting all like wtf I should have brought food, and then they said the cases were criminal and they were all felonies and I'm like alright that's kinda cool all that law and order I watched and my one year of criminal justice in high school might pay off haha. So about 5 minutes after I mentally prepare myself to be stuck in this ice cold room all day dying of hunger, they tell us that they received and email and all the cases pled out so we can all go home, and I'm like wtf I put a bra on this morning for this?! I wasn't even there for an hour. Why couldn't they have pled out like two days ago and saved us all time and gas. I mean I was definitely happy to be going home. I really has to pee and I was so hungry I thought I was going to die, but at the same time I was like wtf I wasted my morning. On the plus side my name can't be called for jury for another year, thank you Jesus. Maybe if I get called again it'll be for something cool and it won't be a waste of my sleep time. Or maybe ill get lucky and never get called again(:

My least favorite parts of being pregnant

1. Waking up every morning wanting to puke
2. Not being able to get comfortable when I wanna sleep.
3. Some of the foods I normally love, make me sick to my stomach.
4. Always hungry, nothing ever sounds good

I hate when people...

• Breathe, no seriously I hate almost everyone and I really don't give a fuck :)
• Correct my grammar/spelling, even though I will do it to them lol oops
• Walk slow as fuck infront of me. I may be small but I will push your ass out of my fucking way. MOVE BITCH!
• Stop in the middle of an aisle/hallway to talk to someone or make out with them. Bitch I'm trying to get thru here. MOVE!
• Eat food infront of me and don't offer me any. Maybe I don't want your nasty food but still offer me some, don't be rude. Asshole
• Touch me, like random ass people, or when they touch my stomach without asking. Yes I'm pregnant no I don't have a bump and no you can't fucking touch me so don't, I will punch you in the throat
• Yell at me to do shit instead of asking me nicely. I understand if you ask me nicely like 8 times and I don't do it then yeah sure yell at me but the first time ask me nicely and don't yell or ill just tell you to fuck off and won't do shit for you.
• Say they'll pay you back and don't.. Fuck you I'm broke as fuck too but I'm nice and lend you money/buy you food... Pay me back or buy me food. I mean if its a dollar Idc but if its $5 or up pay me the fuck back. Broke bitch needs $$$ too.
• Text me "hey" and when I text back they don't. Why the fuck did you text me if you don't wanna reply after I do. Wasting my fucking time.
• Brag about how much money they have lol I mean how much money mommy and daddy have. Cool, give me a couple grand you greedy son of a bitch. You're spoiled as fuck, fall off a cliff.

Well this is random

Ever since age 5 were trained to wake up at 6am and spend 8 shitty hours of our lives learning pointless shit that gets us where? Into college? Where we learn more pointless shit until we actually get a major and learn something useful, and even then how much of that is useful? Is anything I learned in high school useful? Will I ever need to know the slope of a line? No probably not. I'd say my only useful classes were Econ. And American gov. Because I learned that the economy is fucked and so is our government. I honestly think that 89% of the shit I've learned in the past four years will never come in handy again. I mean I liked my science classes but I don't exactly plan to study fish or birds or any of that shit. I think if we know what we want to do we should study shit that's relevant kinda like college and if you don't know they should just give you general bullshit classes like they do now. I mean seriously FUCK YOU MATH IF I HAD A DICK ID SAY SUCK IT :b but seriously I haven't learned anything useful in math since like 5th grade. Why haven't I learned how to balance a check book? I mean shit I graduate tomorrow an my "life" is about to start but I can't balance a fucking check book?! How do they expect me to go anywhere in life. That should be something you learn in Econ. This just turned into a rant about how the school systems are shit lol thank you Jesus that I'm done with that bullshit atleast for right now. As for college I know what I want to do, I just have no idea when I'm gunna start it all, right now I have to focus on being a fiancé and a mommy in 5 months or so.